so I went on this cruise with my parents, my brother and his girlfriend. going into this I kind of felt left out, as I was the only one not in a couple (or even with someone to hang out with). around 1am last night, after going back and forth in my head making a decision, I finally worked up the courage and decided to walk into the dance club on my own.

I stood alone on the outskirts of the dance floor, hoping someone would offer to buy me a drink (I find it much easier to start dancing that way), or just enough courage to go and start dancing without a partner. finally after about half an hour a guy walks up to me and asks if I want to dance. I noticed him working his way toward me for at least 10 minutes.. and then I said no!

 it would have been fun to finally get on the floor, even if I didn’t find him particularly attractive. I know once I start dancing I’ll have a good time. but no. in my panic I awkwardly told him I was still deciding if I wanted to dance, didn’t look him in the eye, waited an awkward minute, then headed toward the exit without knowing what to say. as soon as I was out the door I immediately regretted my decision

now I feel bad for the guy.. I mean really, I’m sure I sent off signals begging for someone to come up to me, and then I rejected him.

I think I have social issues sometimes.. I panic when I’m not sure what to do and usually end up regretting my response to the situation later. don’t get me wrong though. If I go into something with one other person by my side, I can be as normal as can be, and maybe even pretty outgoing (sometimes). but for some reason being on my own does things to my social skills.. I’m starting to work on that.