up until that point I’m often a chaotic mess of thoughts, unable to concentrate on one or pinpoint exactly what I’m thinking or feeling

I will probably cry myself dry now (I hate that part, I feel so useless and unproductive but it usually has to happen), but after that I’ll keep going as happy as ever because I finally have a decision.

I’ll continue to make friends and a life here, be as loose or uptight as feels right at the time. I don’t want you to worry I might act differently because you did something wrong.

but someday if I’m still actually interested, if I’m still single, if you’re still single, if we start that gallery in san fransisco and if you’re still around, if we’re ever settled in the same area, I hope you don’t mind me looking for you again.

this is a decision that might disappear over time or might stay around. maybe I’ll end up sticking with someone before then, or maybe you will. it’s got a lot of ifs and for a decision isn’t concrete in any way whatsoever.

I guess you don’t need to know my decision, but somehow it feels better letting you know and I hope you’re okay with knowing. actually, I think the letting you know part is what takes the weight off my chest. I hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable and if it does I want you to tell me, because I want to stay great friends and I can’t have you letting me make you uncomfortable. does that make sense?

now to hit “create post” and start a fresh chapter of cleared feelings (until something else comes along to complicate things :p )

</emotional post>